Definitely not Windows (Win 11 parody)

(definitelynotwindows.com)

190 points | by jjbinx007 1 hour ago

35 comments

  • paavohtl 34 minutes ago
    I can tell this is fake from the fact the explorer context menu and the start menu open in under 2 seconds (on a top end Ryzen CPU, nonetheless).
    • gumby271 3 minutes ago
      Yeah the volume slider wasn't disabled for 2 seconds after opening the dialog, Microsoft should take notes!
  • drnick1 5 minutes ago
    It must be hard for Windows users to imagine that on Linux there are is no activation, no Microsoft account, no cloud backup, and no pop-up requesting that you install crapware when you plug in a peripheral.[0] You also own your disk encryption keys and are not assigned an identifier that can be used against you.[1]

    [0] https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6IFVTcM28KA

    [1] https://www.pcmag.com/news/a-hackers-arrest-reveals-microsof...

  • accrual 31 minutes ago
    This is insanely good and mimics my personal experience of Windows these days. I literally say "pop-up! pop-up! pop-up!" out loud during a normal workday where one pop-up or prompt is rapidly replaced by another. Same app or different, doesn't matter, there's always something trying to grab attention on a Windows desktop unless you configure the hell out of it (and even that is no longer enough).

    My favorite "joke" from this site:

    > Scan complete: 1 threat found — ChromeSetup.exe

    FWIW, I switched to Fedora in January and have no plans to look back. Only $dayjob relies on Windows anymore.

    • cwnyth 24 minutes ago
      Welcome to Fedora! I've missed literally nothing about Windows since switching to it about a decade ago now (around the time they announced Win7 EOL), and every time I had to use it for work (thankfully never these days), I grew more and more confident that I never will need to return and that Windows is only getting worse.
    • MarkusWandel 26 minutes ago
      "always something trying to grab attention", that's the root problem right there. Even on a work computer unless you've changed your homepage, every time you open a tab on Edge you get a screen full of distraction clickbait. And then you wonder why you never manage to concentrate any more.
    • marcduck 4 minutes ago
      What WM/DE do you use? As much as I find Windows annoying sometimes, I haven't found anything for linux that feels as polished.
    • chrismustcode 18 minutes ago
      It's soul destroying going from personal computer Linux (been figuring out the distro for me) to Windows for work.

      Even worse they use Office 365 with sharepoint, they've even turned off web search somehow on copilot and can only search internal servicenow and SharePoint pages making it worse.

      Things are pretty dire.

      Anybody hiring who uses Google workspace and (preferably) Linux or MacOS let me know.

  • jedbrooke 29 minutes ago
    It’s too snappy and responsive, real windows I gotta wait with the spinning blue ring thing for a few seconds after clicking ‘x’ on the notifications. That is when they’re generous enough to give an ‘x’ and not force the user through some onboarding flow with no easy way to opt out
    • burnt-resistor 18 minutes ago
      Yes. And some apps should freeze for 10-40 seconds despite having an SSD and 32 GiB of RAM.
      • ducktective 6 minutes ago
        You're doing something serious aaand suddenly out of nowhere the fan starts screaming cause some cryptically named process decides right now is the time to get stuck in some loop
  • itronitron 0 minutes ago
    just want to add that if the creator adds Powerpoint, then starting a Powerpoint presentation should prompt a 10 second countdown to a forced update and restart...
  • bradfitz 41 minutes ago
    This is not realistic; the start menu opens way too quickly.
    • marcosdumay 23 minutes ago
      True, but the search fails to reduce the number of options, so some things are right.
  • throooooo 31 minutes ago
    I can feel my blood pressure raising. Very accurate to the Windows experience.
  • ajkjk 4 minutes ago
    My windows 10 pc continues to bother me to update because I won't get security patches anymore. I will absolutely never update to Windows 11. The only way they ever get me to pay for an OS again is if they go far out of their way to be respectful to the user to compensate for all the disrespect.
  • metadat 36 minutes ago
    Win XP was peak computing for the masses, and most didn’t have a clue!
    • throooooo 35 minutes ago
      I preferred 2000, but admit that didn't make it to the masses.
      • burnt-resistor 15 minutes ago
        2k appeared to retain NT's responsiveness with seemingly separate threads for processing UI stuff where XP appeared to devolve to Windows 98 (pre NT) in terms of UI and app event processing merged together into a single foreground event loop.
    • cwnyth 21 minutes ago
      A mature Windows 7 wasn't terrible. You could easily configure it so that it stayed out of your way, and only the updates were a headache. Windows 8 and those beyond were all downright atrocious. While I had dabbled in Linux for years before then, announcing Win7 EOL finally pushed me 100% into the Linux camp.
  • netsharc 3 minutes ago
    Please, Please, MS, Streisand this. And then they can change the name to "Microslop Winblows"...
  • comandillos 8 minutes ago
    I've spent a few months trying to convince my management on getting a Macbook after fighting with a kernel memory leak that consumes the 128Gb of RAM in my freshly new Dell Pro Max 16 with Windows 11. It seems the best solution my IT gives me is to replace my laptop... which I have already done... three times.
  • corvad 8 minutes ago
    It's too fast to be real windows and there is not a task manager so I can kill apps when they always freeze.
  • johnecheck 13 minutes ago
    Missed opportunity to have that say "365 Microsoft apps installed"
  • doawoo 22 minutes ago
    > Windows is activated with a digital license. The parody watermark will remain because it is part of the joke.

    Thank you for a good laugh

  • gpvos 32 minutes ago
    The "fix everything" button should link to a Linux installer.
  • riskable 32 minutes ago
    Proving once again that Windows isn't ready for the desktop.
  • Dwedit 30 minutes ago
    Back when Windows RG (2001) was considered a sharp mockery.

    (Random fact, at the time that flash came out, clicking on the A: drive made your real floppy drive light up)

  • 1-6 11 minutes ago
    This is a remarkable depiction of a modern operating system.
  • rasse 44 minutes ago
    Stop giving Microsoft ideas!
  • sensanaty 26 minutes ago
    My mother-in-law bought a new laptop last week and asked me to set it up for her, it came with Win11 by default. I was genuinely flabbergasted at how terrible of an experience it was, screen after screen of "We respect your privacy. Let Microsoft collect every single thing you have ever dared to breath onto this computer?" right in the install screen. After that lovely experience you're greeted with a billion random junkware preinstalled like fucking Candy Crush. I wanted to crash out when I clicked around in explorer and saw every UI element buffer for a split second, and after further research it seems they're using React in explorer these days.

    What the hell happened?

    • ducktective 2 minutes ago
      Don't worry, AI's gonna fix it in Rust in Windows 12
    • miek 21 minutes ago
      My aunt pulled a Windows XP computer out of storage recently because she's sick of Win 11. I'm excited to hear updates from my cousin (though unfortunately, I have to expect this experiment will fail)
      • stackghost 3 minutes ago
        I hope she doesn't log into anything important on that computer because it's unlikely it can be made sufficiently secure for today's internet.
  • stackghost 5 minutes ago
    Someday in the future, business students will be directing their agents to study cases written by the Harvard Business Review's LLM agent about how people at Micrsoslop saw:

    - What good UI/UX could be

    - What good LLM integration can look like

    - What good office productivity software looks like

    And how after seeing those thins they went on to do the exact opposite. I simply cannot believe how bad most Microsoft products are these days. Windows in particular is so much worse than even Windows 11 from just a few years ago that it's almost funny.

    I can only conclude that Satya Nadella is a mac user, because nobody who actually dogfoods Windows would consider the current state of affairs to be acceptable.

  • tonymet 5 minutes ago
    A couple recommended additions

    1. the full screen "welcome to your windows experience" to enroll with Office 365

    2. Run a Space Force satellite app that stalls into involuntary windows update

  • shivajreddy 14 minutes ago
    This is wayyy too accurate!
  • CobraMode 33 minutes ago
    Start menu comes up too fast.
  • ICHx 30 minutes ago
    so much rage seeing this
  • Levi_Braga 13 minutes ago
    Very cool website!
  • redox99 21 minutes ago
    Kinda hate the vibecoded sounds.
    • javcasas 16 minutes ago
      You mean the Copilot-ed sounds?
  • lmc 49 minutes ago
    Please add deep linking or something so back doesn't mean starting from scratch
    • Cyan488 30 minutes ago
      I don't know about you but after a few seconds, I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

      I'm glad I didn't have to spam the back button to do it.

    • crumpled 11 minutes ago
      I feel like this would be overprocessing. Is the state really that important or difficult to recreate?
  • dverlaeckt80 53 minutes ago
    LOL. Well made, give me more than a few chuckles :)

    "Windows is taking its time for your convenience"..

    • tosti 44 minutes ago
      "Your privacy is important"
  • eej71 30 minutes ago
    Parodies are supposed to be fun!

    That wasn't fun. At all.

    screams into pillow

  • kerv 32 minutes ago
    who else got rickrolled?
  • sagarayi 22 minutes ago
    this is too much fun. nice one :)
  • thomasmarton 52 minutes ago
    > Win 11 parody

    I'm sorry but where is the parody?

    - A Win11 Home user

    • w4yai 48 minutes ago
      I'm also a Windows user (and a Linux one too, no worries guys), and I must admit, this parody is a little bit real ...
  • FpUser 43 minutes ago
    Lol. Love it but for some reason my windows does not do any of that
    • billfor 18 minutes ago
      I have Windows 11 Pro and I've never seen an ad. I don't remember turning anything off but I did upgrade from Windows 10, so maybe that had something to do with it, unless it's just that Pro doesn't contain ads. I also don't use it with a microsoft account and don't have any "services" from them, so maybe that helps.
      • crumpled 8 minutes ago
        I'm curious about this, as a Windows 11 pro user, myself. Do you already have a Microsoft account, use OneDrive, and pay for Office 365?
    • throooooo 27 minutes ago
      Really? My Win 11 install (sparsely used nowadays) is nag city. Set up OneDrive, activate cloud backups, sign into your Microsoft account, oops Xbox Game Bar popped up because I pressed some key combination, reboot (a few times) to finish updates, set up copilot, error installing update, reboot before installing update, etc.