In Memory of My Wife, Elise Cawley, with Thanks for 36 Wonderful Years

(writings.stephenwolfram.com)

694 points | by jdcampolargo 4 hours ago

26 comments

  • cube00 3 hours ago
    An amazingly detailed tribute, you'd have to think this was taken from a journal, in which case it's impressive to keep such a record of their life, or maybe Stephen just has a fantastic memory.

    Even through that detail you can really feel how much he loved and admired her.

    > Somehow in the shock of what has happened it feels as if I just met Elise, and now she is gone.

    A reminder that time's cruelty is making the wonderful feel shorter than the painful.

    > My only solace in this tragedy is that the end came instantly, after a day filled with nothing but joy.

    Hopefully we're all lucky enough to be allowed to rest without suffering while surrounded by loved ones.

  • ajb 1 hour ago
    This is a moving tribute. Stephen Wolfram's writing often has certain faults, which I mention only to be able to say that he has here transcended them; this is a genuine and heartfelt piece of writing which makes me feel sad for his loss.
    • ACS_Solver 1 hour ago
      Yes, it's a very well written, touching tribute and I think it's all the more touching when you're familiar enough with Wolfram's writings to notice the contrast here.
      • arm32 29 minutes ago
        It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read in my entire life. The reader departs both fallen in love with Elise and tragically heartbroken. Excuse me while I go cry some more in the laundry room, collect myself and annoy my wife with a huge hug.
  • senderista 51 minutes ago
    This was really moving and sincere. It made me think of my dad's catastrophic stroke while recovering from brain surgery. I wish that, like Wolfram's wife, he had died instantly on the operating table instead of enduring six years of agony for himself and everyone else.
    • reassess_blind 16 minutes ago
      That’s tough. Sorry that you all had to go through that.
  • klustregrif 1 hour ago
    A very beautiful tribute to her life and memory. My condolences go out to her family.
  • adamredwoods 3 hours ago
    It's a profound thing to lose someone that intertwined in your life. I should know.
  • Arshad-Talpur 13 minutes ago
    What a tribute, what a way of writing, honestly i just felt i was living it
  • steve_adams_86 3 hours ago
    It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but, god damn does it still hurt to move through that loss. I'm glad it was fast and painless for her and her family.
    • gorgoiler 1 hour ago
      Thank you for the quote. Here is the verse in full…

      In Memoriam AHH, Tennyson

        I envy not in any moods
        The captive void of noble rage,
        The linnet born within the cage,
        That never knew the summer woods:
      
        I envy not the beast that takes
        His license in the field of time,
        Unfetter'd by the sense of crime,
        To whom a conscience never wakes;
      
        Nor, what may count itself as blest,
        The heart that never plighted troth
        But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
        Nor any want-begotten rest.
      
        I hold it true, whate'er befall;
        I feel it when I sorrow most;
        Tis better to have loved and lost
        Than never to have loved at all.
    • inigyou 1 hour ago
      Heart attacks are not painless. And no death is painless for the surviving family.

      (I guess at least 2 people who downvoted this disagree with one or both statements. Would be nice to know which one.)

      • Spooky23 33 minutes ago
        There are different ways to go. I lost my beautiful wife to cancer that was aggressive. The ups and downs, the terror and the joy of hope is brutal. At some point she knew, pretty late in the game but didn’t want to let us all down.

        My dad died from an aortic rupture. He went to grab turkey to make a sandwich and didn’t make it back from the pantry.

        It’s all hard, but knowing what she went through and the second guessing and impossible questions we all went through, I’ll take the fatal cardiac event any day.

      • steve_adams_86 1 hour ago
        My understanding is that these catastrophic events typically leave the victim unconscious before they have much time to suffer. I'm not an expert so I'm prepared to be wrong. I hope that was the case for her. I'm aware it could have hurt, too — I suppose the sentiment is that this wasn't a drawn out, needlessly arduous event of waiting and suffering.
        • inigyou 58 minutes ago
          My understanding is that people have enough time to register "holy fucking shit, this is it, I'm about to die" before they pass out.

          That's why they archetypically clutch their chests.

      • applfanboysbgon 58 minutes ago
        > she had a freak, vast cardiovascular event—and died instantly

        > But then, soon after, disaster struck, and she collapsed, the victim of a massive cardiovascular event. My only solace in this tragedy is that the end came instantly

        Perhaps because you are contradicting the author of the tribute with your own unfounded assumptions about the particulars of her passing. I would wager he knows a little bit more about what she experienced than you, surmising in generalities, do. And really, what is the purpose of this quibbling? "Ah yes, I can't let this grieving man have any comfort -- I must assert that actually, his wife must've suffered quite a lot before she died".

  • BewareTheYiga 3 hours ago
    What a beautiful tribute.
  • binyu 3 hours ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful and touching tribute and she was lucky to have such a loving husband.
  • frou_dh 2 hours ago
    That's neat that she designed their house. When I've seen photos of Wolfram in his house I've always thought it looked an awesome high-class place.
  • jasoneckert 3 hours ago
    This is a lovely and heartfelt tribute. Thanks for sharing this.
  • Sprotch 2 hours ago
    You can feel his love for her. Heartbreaking.
  • glimshe 1 hour ago
    I've been reading Wolfram quite a bit lately. I'm sad for him and the family, my condolences.
  • arjie 2 hours ago
    Beautiful tribute. Perhaps a reminder to self to write my own version prior to our passing. Such misfortune to be taken so young.
  • JSeiko 22 minutes ago
    My Condolences!
  • copperx 3 hours ago
    Wonderful tribute.
  • arsenkk 2 hours ago
    Beautifully written. My condolences and wish you all the best!
  • andromaton 2 hours ago
    Sorry for his loss, and for everybody helped by her in any way. However ineffective a comment like this is
  • kylehotchkiss 57 minutes ago
    > But from that moment on we talked essentially every day for 36 years

    Man. Our culture is speed running away from one of the greatest joys you can have in your life (a healthy relationship). Stephen, if you can see this, thank you for opening up. Wishing you comfort and peace.

  • lofaszvanitt 37 minutes ago
    Feels a bit strange.
  • arm32 38 minutes ago
    I am not crying. You're crying. Oh, man. Rest in peace, Elise and I'm so sorry for your loss, Stephen.
  • tibbydudeza 1 hour ago
    A beloved wife and mother and a brilliant partner as well. My condolences to the family.
  • altairprime 3 hours ago
    [flagged]
  • redsocksfan45 3 hours ago
    [dead]
  • inigyou 1 hour ago
    Well shit.

    Also, certificate error, but that's forgiveable in the circumstances.