Question 9 imho is the most German one ("When someone says 'we should get coffee sometime,' you understand this to mean:").
It depends on context a bit obviously, but most Germans are sincere about it. You either propose coffee or you don't.
However, there's a subset of Germans who seem to propose coffee and then don't follow up themselves, but it's not just a phrase. If you are the one to follow up, they'd join you. Which, to say the least, is annoying, too.
From my German perspective, asking someone for grabbing coffee sometime and not meaning it is a completely stupid thing to say. Why would you suggest it? Why should the other person have to decode this as a "nice thing to say but not meant literally" if you could say a hundred other things that could be meant literally and are still nice, like "see you around" or something like that?
It's the whims of emotion - in the moment a person says it it can be quite sincere, as that's their genuine mood in that instance, but later on the mood passes and the effort involved in arranging something outweighs the desire.
In that sense it does communicate something: I like and have enjoyed your company in this moment.
The test doesn't follow the correct procedures for diagnosing autism and after a thorough reading of the DSM-5-TR I could find no mention of German a mental illness being and I challenge anyone to me wrong prove.
Posting my result here in case you want to see the different results without redoing the test:
German 47% - Autistic 47%
Wittgenstein was Austrian, which is close enough. He was also, by most accounts, someone whose relationship to social convention was at best functional and at worst a source of significant suffering to himself and everyone around him.
He rewrote philosophy twice. The first time by establishing what could be said with precision. The second time by dismantling the assumption that precision was the right goal in the first place. Both versions emerged from the same source: an absolute refusal to accept confusion as a resting state.
You have, apparently, both the cultural formation that produces systematic people and the neurological substrate that makes systematic thinking feel like breathing. This is either a significant advantage or an explanation for certain recurring difficulties in your life. Probably both.
Schopenhauer also fits here. So does Ramanujan, though he wasn't German. The category isn't German or autistic — it's people for whom the gap between how things are and how they ought to be is not an abstraction but a constant, low-grade irritation.
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I took the German or Autistic diagnostic. Result: Both. The Wittgenstein Result. I don't know whether to be proud or concerned. https://german.millermanschool.com/
There's a quote in the Count of Monte Cristo where Edmond explains punctuality something to the effect:
> Being early to an appointment is as rude as being late because you may be disturbing your host before they've taken all the efforts they require before your arrival
( VERY rough quote, the english translation is 100x more eloquent than my half-remembered version )
Edmond Dantès arrives exactly as the clock strikes the minute of his appointment no later and no earlier. I remember reading that when I was ~16 and it always seemed to make sense to me
"Being on time is rude because you may be disturbing your host before they’ve made all the preparations they need before your arrival. Being early would be an outrageous offense."
It always amazes me how Brazilians and Germans can be so different when it comes to punctuality and yet so similar when it comes to their love of bureaucracy (and devotion to soccer, for that matter).
I specifically give people a time somewhere in the middle of a window in which they could arrive that neither disturbs my preparations nor disturbs the schedule I've devised. Everything may not be exactly ready at the beginning of that window but any preparations left to do can be performed while socializing (finish making appetizers, for example).
It also depends on who my guests are. If I know they are consistently late, I give them an earlier time. If they are always early, I give them a later time.
My grandfather was overly punctual. He'd show up 30-60mins early for dinner and my mom hated it. My mom loves hosting people but she can't do that while she's blowdrying her hair or helping her children get ready. So she would tell him a different time than everyone else coming over so he'd show up when everyone and everything was ready.
In the Brazilian case, it is not so much "love of bureaucracy" but rather "bureaucracy as a protection against private capture of public goods and services".
Yeah that's also how I work: be strict to yourself, indulgent to other, I feel this is the best strategy to get along. Obviously, the downside is the tragedy of the commons: the few bad people abusing the leniency of the rest and getting away with it, like people showing up late because "they hate waiting".
Me caring doesn’t need to be a problem for others. Should we all shout about our minor preferences and gripes all the time?
There are people like that, and they are exhausting. It’s essentially a selfish use of a communal good, which is the shared environment.
There’s a limit to silent annoyance, of course. But my officemate noisily ate a smelly egg breakfast every day and I just bided my time until I could move.
Why? Bathroom queues or things like that? I live alone but am almost always late. A few weeks ago I was late to the airport for a flight by a couple of hours. Yesterday I was late to work, I was commuting by car when an officer thought of stopping me and do some checks for around 10-15 minutes. It does feel like I'm cursed or something. It happens way too often, but almost always feels as if it's completely outside my control.
For instance (and maybe this is embarrassing ...), I was late to the airport because the day before I went a bit later to bed than planned, so I overslept my alarm a bit, but still had plenty of breathing room. So I proceed, with the car. As it happens, I live in a country, let's say NL, and the airport was in BE. It also happens that fuel is significantly cheaper in BE than in NL (over 25% cheaper at the time). I'm also quite precise about fuel consumption.
As it happens, speed limit in NL is 100km/h during the day, but 130 during the night. I was still well within the high speed section during those very early moments of dawn. But I normally only ride my car during the day. So I know intimately how much fuel I'm using. So I calculate things ,with a lot of safety margins, to optimize fueling costs, by reaching BE with not a lot of fuel. However, as I was a bit underslept. Normally I know exactly how many km I can do after the low fuel indicator comes on. I of course anticipated this would be lower at 130/h rather than 100/h, but somehow, my calculations were a bit off. I ran out of fuel on the highway, well inside BE, but some 2km short of the gas station.
Not the best of times, as you can imagine. I was starting to panic a bit, thinking of eventual costs, I don't know the exact law in BE, if I have to pay someone to tow me, it would cost probably hundreds of time more than the potential savings. But somehow, the place where the car stopped was in a location under a bridge, where I could actually get off the emergency lane, so in a very protected spot. Must have been 5AM at the time, I proceed to walk towards the first exit, grabbing a plastic bottle from the ground. After about 800m i manage to get off the highway, to that first settlement, and not long after, a very nice gentlemen takes me to the gas station. I discovered, stupefied, that the station only sells truck diesel. I walk a few minutes to the next one. Same story. I keep walking until I finally find one selling petrol, and a very nice lady, after explaining her my situation, agrees to take me to my car on the highway, which was 1-2km away. I do pay her for her trouble.
Now, this whole incident only took about an hour, so I'm still sort of on track. But now it's starting to be early morning, and some of the worst traffic jams I've encountered. Basically the trip takes over 90 minutes more than originally estimated. I buy another plane ticket for another plane later that day and still end up not that badly, but ... yeah.
Hence the whole "If you're on time, you're late". Everywhere I go, has a 10-15 minute buffer, just in case of stuff like that. I end up early to 90% of the things I go to, on time to 5% (really "slightly late") and maybe late once every three years. Can't remember the last time I was ever late really, and it does bother me a lot if I am.
I could in theory. But inside, it often feels that I'm doing everything as early as possible. Just that I'm overwhelmed. I also don't value being on time too much. I was recently late to a date of sorts, 10-15 minutes, which I think is a big reason why she didn't want to continue anything. It's never on purpose. It just happens. If I'm tired, I leave bed as soon as I can, but it's always a cost benefit analysis, always a decision being made. I may decide that those few minutes of extra rest are more valuable than being on time. If it's a person who I think deserves that punctuality from me, then I will go the extra mile of course.
Occasionally things will happen that you can't account for. I agree.
But from my perspective, the added example story was somewhat in your control. You just optimized for the wrong things. Of course this is easier in hindsight too.
Had you not run out of fuel, would you have missed the traffic too?
My fuel tank is always full. I fill it when it gets about 1/2 empty so that I am not caught stranded because I never know what will happen. Sometimes I get fuel even though I can make it, because what if something goes wrong?
Habits die hard. I have seen highways close for hours to days after an accident or snow storm. If you're stuck there is no where to go.
It's likely I would have missed the traffic jams had I not had the fuel incident, since this was 5AM, roads were empty at the time.
And yes, everything is under our control and nothing is. It's a matter of perspective. Everyone prioritizes, since we have limited time. We choose what we do with that time. Just that, some people, sometimes me included, have such a time debt that sucks their time that it spills into their "obligations".
As for optimizing for the wrong things, this is also to some degree outside control. I obviously realize on a rational level why it's "suboptimal", penny-wise and pound foolish. But change requires effort and time. Which are sometimes used up in other more urgent endeavours.
I agree but the thing is, how does one decide for the time that it might take for things which are outside of control, by definition, I am not sure of how long it might take.
And also, if we have a very long margin of time, then does the 0.01% you might be late somewhere really justify something like this.
Obviously it depends on the context, but personally, things just happen in life and its hard to take into factor how many things are and are not in my control.
> It happens way too often, but almost always feels as if it's completely outside my control.
Same thing happens to my partner. They're just fundamentally bad at estimating time and constantly do things that maximize their probability of being late.
Your story for example, almost nothing was outside your control.
I lived in Germany for 10+ years, so unsurprisingly got Both (40/62) as result, although it was slightly frustrating sometimes to pick between answers where none really fit precisely (which in itself is probably a sign too, lol)
I never lived in Germany, but live in Spain since more than 10 years, also got 40%/67% German/Autistic. And yes, very fun to live in a society with the personal rule of "being on time is being late" when everyone else is basically "late doesn't exists as a concept". I do enjoy pretty much everything else though :)
56/31. I'm really unsatisfied with the choices for Question 15, "The real problem with the world is...". None of them seem to capture "not everyone is playing by the same rules"
Having lived in Germany, the strongest cultural conflict I felt was inflexibility of plans.
The German way is to plan something very meticulously and the to follow through with the plan no matter what.
I am however of the persuasion of not planning too much beforehand especially when the input is lacking. But also to be flexible and reactive during execution.
Sometimes, the Deutsche Bahn is so late, that it's early. Wrapping around. The previous train in the schedule sometimes was so late, that it was just a bit before the next one was supposed to depart. So the next one is cancelled or delayed. I experienced this a few times. But with the cheap Deutschland Ticket, I couldn't really complain at the time. Tho, Arnhem to Hamburg, even 8h late, was not the most enjoyable of experiences (again, Deutchland Ticket, around 2023 IIRC. so no IC trains, which didn't suffer to the same degree).
People love to parrot this, but it's not true and makes no sense for them to try and game the system this way. The mandatory compensation and bad press from cancelled trains is way more costly on them than having poor punctuality statistics.
The reason that a late train can sometimes be cancelled is to try and stop a cascade of delays from happening. Tracks only have so much capacity, and if train gets delayed into a time-frame that is highly congested, trying to fit the delayed train into that time-frame will result in delaying other trains, which could then cause further problems down the lines and throw the entire network out of order.
They accept a certain number of cascading delays like this, but sometimes it's just known that a certain delayed train will just be too disruptive to the network, so they're forced to just cancel a train to try and save the network's stability.
Most of the German stereotypes are not just untrue, reality is actually the opposite. Germans are not efficient as an example, they love layers of formality and documentation for its own shake at the cost of getting stuff done.
As a German, after encountering Russian bureaucracy once, I commented to my wife that the main difference between Russian and German bureaucracy is that in Russia at least you can pay your way out.
The Swiss nervously check the time when a train is 2-3 minutes late. When a train is late, the situation is basically on the brink of a national emergency.
I mean I've regularly seen trains in germany arriving AFTER the next train. Statistically they are worse than pretty much any european country.
And outside of trains, my german friends run the gamut of being always on time to systematically being 30 minutes late. Don't really see much of a correlation between being German and punctual.
Japan on the other hand I do associate with punctuality, when I worked there I was made to sit in the seiza postion for the m9rniny meeting if I was late by even 3 minutes. My friends there were overwhelmingly ontime except (and proving my point) for a German coworker I had there :)
Sometimes you're born in the "wrong country". My life was essentially a mess until I moved across the continent to a country that much better follows what I personally want out of life, then suddenly a bunch of seemingly unrelated issues just solved themselves.
As a Viennese, I missed appropriate options, like rules and their mutual negotiability by lateral maneuvers (AKA dissimulation) and a general sense for disgruntledness. Moreover, smalltalk as the core of any negotiations (which should be understood more as mundane paperwork after the fact) isn't even mentioned! Now I do need some coffee, for real. ;-)
More like "31% German according to stereotypes about Germans formed by some random foreigner who read some 19th century German philosophy texts, and has an affinity for Russian neo-fascis"
"Shut up and follow directions unless you know better." is a phrase I think translates very well in all languages. Not German. Not Autism. Just harsh feedback for people that need to hear it once in awhile. Mostly management types.
Too many people think they know better. You're not allowed to think you know better unless you're able to put yourself in the position to be the one to write the directions.
You know how many conversations I have with people who are mad about a problem, and I tell them that's the reason we have a policy they didn't follow, and then they say they should tell people that that's the reason for the policy, and then I tell them they do explain it, right where the policy is written. Oh my God, you didn't read the policies before you did this, did you!? What else did you miss!?
I'm neither apparently, which I guess is a relief? Some of the questions I felt didn't have an answer I would select, like the inner monologue one. I generally don't have an inner monologue as I understand it described by people who do. Also, there's way more wrong with the world than those four answers.
I also got both. I'm Norwegian, so culturally half-German seems relatively reasonable. And the autism part I think more than one person who have met me have suspected (no diagnosis, and probably wouldn't get diagnosed now, because I've had a few decades of getting good at masking quite a few things I know would've shown up on an assessment)
You are the true edge case of this test :) I got both as well, which I interpret as decent middle ground which is what I expected, for the record I’m neither.
Bro, even for an entire year that is less than a single ambulance ride in some parts of the US. Heck, you might pay $1000+ even with insurance coverage.
I dont want people to think I am German, Autistic or Pedantic but the question posed was ... Am I German or Autistic? not Am I German or Autistic or Non-German or Non-Autistic?
Obviously the title is cheeky as a lot of attributes ascribed to Autistic people are also stereotypes about Germans.
The site is exposing the reality that you can come to the same place from different directions. For example, if you are more "German", your sense of fairness, adherence to rules, regard for punctuality comes from a place of moral obligation. You act in ways you hope others will also act because you believe that if everyone acts that way, we'd all get along better.
However, if you do these things because those are the arbitrary rules set forth and they must be followed because that's the definition of a rule, something you follow, then you're likely Autistic because that kind of rigid thinking that is a hallmark of the condition.
I think the archetype does not work well. For instance, people in Bavaria are very different to people in the northern areas of Germany. This includes the language too. The first question was about punctuality; I don't think all germans are always on time, it totally depends on many factors, including age. Perhaps decades ago this was accurate, but nowadays it feels to me as if people living in larger cities, are often much more alike to one another. And I think this trend will continue.
Back in the 1990s I was in Hong Kong. The city was epic, cool and alien. Today I feel I could live there even without speaking cantonese (I understand the top-down control via Beijing being a huge problem; I refer to what a city may look like in 2026 and beyond though from a theoretical point of view. Naturally knowing the language helps insanely, but english works as a substitute in many modern areas, even in non-english speaking countries).
On being interrupted, "It's difficult to describe. Something like a physical sensation."
This is extremely relatable. I'm pretty confident that this physical sensation is related to my (rather severely) limited working memory, which I have to carefully manage at maximum capacity and which is catastrophically overwhelmed by some interruptions. A token interruption ("hey, do you have a sec"?) Doesn't tend to cause the sensation, but an interruption that contains data ("I called Greg about the plan for Wednesday and he said that Susan said...") is psychologically painful and even enraging in an oddly visceral sort of way.
Also got neither. I’m Irish but have lived a long time in Austria now. The punctuality thing is common with Germans. They have a different approach to rules here I think.
It depends on context a bit obviously, but most Germans are sincere about it. You either propose coffee or you don't.
However, there's a subset of Germans who seem to propose coffee and then don't follow up themselves, but it's not just a phrase. If you are the one to follow up, they'd join you. Which, to say the least, is annoying, too.
From my German perspective, asking someone for grabbing coffee sometime and not meaning it is a completely stupid thing to say. Why would you suggest it? Why should the other person have to decode this as a "nice thing to say but not meant literally" if you could say a hundred other things that could be meant literally and are still nice, like "see you around" or something like that?
In that sense it does communicate something: I like and have enjoyed your company in this moment.
Flippant of course, but not too dastardly.
If your comment is an attempt to run the game directly in the HN comments, I'm going to guess "German" by the placement of your verb here. :)
> Being early to an appointment is as rude as being late because you may be disturbing your host before they've taken all the efforts they require before your arrival
( VERY rough quote, the english translation is 100x more eloquent than my half-remembered version )
Edmond Dantès arrives exactly as the clock strikes the minute of his appointment no later and no earlier. I remember reading that when I was ~16 and it always seemed to make sense to me
"Being on time is rude because you may be disturbing your host before they’ve made all the preparations they need before your arrival. Being early would be an outrageous offense."
It always amazes me how Brazilians and Germans can be so different when it comes to punctuality and yet so similar when it comes to their love of bureaucracy (and devotion to soccer, for that matter).
It also depends on who my guests are. If I know they are consistently late, I give them an earlier time. If they are always early, I give them a later time.
My grandfather was overly punctual. He'd show up 30-60mins early for dinner and my mom hated it. My mom loves hosting people but she can't do that while she's blowdrying her hair or helping her children get ready. So she would tell him a different time than everyone else coming over so he'd show up when everyone and everything was ready.
If we are to meet in public - like restaurant - I don't want to awkwardly wait 15 minutes or more. At the very least, early notice is an obligation.
However, his woeful time-keeping is so poor that we began to suspect that he was indeed simply from another planet... with a longer day.
Which one is it?
There are people like that, and they are exhausting. It’s essentially a selfish use of a communal good, which is the shared environment.
There’s a limit to silent annoyance, of course. But my officemate noisily ate a smelly egg breakfast every day and I just bided my time until I could move.
Watch me not care
For instance (and maybe this is embarrassing ...), I was late to the airport because the day before I went a bit later to bed than planned, so I overslept my alarm a bit, but still had plenty of breathing room. So I proceed, with the car. As it happens, I live in a country, let's say NL, and the airport was in BE. It also happens that fuel is significantly cheaper in BE than in NL (over 25% cheaper at the time). I'm also quite precise about fuel consumption.
As it happens, speed limit in NL is 100km/h during the day, but 130 during the night. I was still well within the high speed section during those very early moments of dawn. But I normally only ride my car during the day. So I know intimately how much fuel I'm using. So I calculate things ,with a lot of safety margins, to optimize fueling costs, by reaching BE with not a lot of fuel. However, as I was a bit underslept. Normally I know exactly how many km I can do after the low fuel indicator comes on. I of course anticipated this would be lower at 130/h rather than 100/h, but somehow, my calculations were a bit off. I ran out of fuel on the highway, well inside BE, but some 2km short of the gas station.
Not the best of times, as you can imagine. I was starting to panic a bit, thinking of eventual costs, I don't know the exact law in BE, if I have to pay someone to tow me, it would cost probably hundreds of time more than the potential savings. But somehow, the place where the car stopped was in a location under a bridge, where I could actually get off the emergency lane, so in a very protected spot. Must have been 5AM at the time, I proceed to walk towards the first exit, grabbing a plastic bottle from the ground. After about 800m i manage to get off the highway, to that first settlement, and not long after, a very nice gentlemen takes me to the gas station. I discovered, stupefied, that the station only sells truck diesel. I walk a few minutes to the next one. Same story. I keep walking until I finally find one selling petrol, and a very nice lady, after explaining her my situation, agrees to take me to my car on the highway, which was 1-2km away. I do pay her for her trouble.
Now, this whole incident only took about an hour, so I'm still sort of on track. But now it's starting to be early morning, and some of the worst traffic jams I've encountered. Basically the trip takes over 90 minutes more than originally estimated. I buy another plane ticket for another plane later that day and still end up not that badly, but ... yeah.
But from my perspective, the added example story was somewhat in your control. You just optimized for the wrong things. Of course this is easier in hindsight too.
Had you not run out of fuel, would you have missed the traffic too?
My fuel tank is always full. I fill it when it gets about 1/2 empty so that I am not caught stranded because I never know what will happen. Sometimes I get fuel even though I can make it, because what if something goes wrong? Habits die hard. I have seen highways close for hours to days after an accident or snow storm. If you're stuck there is no where to go.
And yes, everything is under our control and nothing is. It's a matter of perspective. Everyone prioritizes, since we have limited time. We choose what we do with that time. Just that, some people, sometimes me included, have such a time debt that sucks their time that it spills into their "obligations".
As for optimizing for the wrong things, this is also to some degree outside control. I obviously realize on a rational level why it's "suboptimal", penny-wise and pound foolish. But change requires effort and time. Which are sometimes used up in other more urgent endeavours.
And also, if we have a very long margin of time, then does the 0.01% you might be late somewhere really justify something like this.
Obviously it depends on the context, but personally, things just happen in life and its hard to take into factor how many things are and are not in my control.
Same thing happens to my partner. They're just fundamentally bad at estimating time and constantly do things that maximize their probability of being late.
Your story for example, almost nothing was outside your control.
This confuses me as I have never been to Germany and do not speak German.
But rules are rules.
The German way is to plan something very meticulously and the to follow through with the plan no matter what.
I am however of the persuasion of not planning too much beforehand especially when the input is lacking. But also to be flexible and reactive during execution.
The reason that a late train can sometimes be cancelled is to try and stop a cascade of delays from happening. Tracks only have so much capacity, and if train gets delayed into a time-frame that is highly congested, trying to fit the delayed train into that time-frame will result in delaying other trains, which could then cause further problems down the lines and throw the entire network out of order.
They accept a certain number of cascading delays like this, but sometimes it's just known that a certain delayed train will just be too disruptive to the network, so they're forced to just cancel a train to try and save the network's stability.
Obvious in many ways once you've lived there
If we're going to manage gender and case across nouns appearing in sentences, why not make them more distinct, please?
We've got 'die' owning far too much real estate here, in my opinion.
This is relative. In Germany, people complain when the train is late. Everywhere else, the train is just late.
You think people don't complain when the train is late in other countries? That's hardly a uniquely German thing
And outside of trains, my german friends run the gamut of being always on time to systematically being 30 minutes late. Don't really see much of a correlation between being German and punctual.
Japan on the other hand I do associate with punctuality, when I worked there I was made to sit in the seiza postion for the m9rniny meeting if I was late by even 3 minutes. My friends there were overwhelmingly ontime except (and proving my point) for a German coworker I had there :)
As an Austrian I am not sure how to feel about that
> The Wittgenstein Result … Wittgenstein was Austrian, which is close enough.
Clearly I should have scored 100.
The test is broken, if you ask me.
You know how many conversations I have with people who are mad about a problem, and I tell them that's the reason we have a policy they didn't follow, and then they say they should tell people that that's the reason for the policy, and then I tell them they do explain it, right where the policy is written. Oh my God, you didn't read the policies before you did this, did you!? What else did you miss!?
„ Your patterns are cultural, not neurological.” - that’s for sure. My neurological ones were so terrible I had to resort outer sources.
Dentist is included but not all procedures.
> Scores are independent — they don't need to add up to 100%.
Update: I scrolled down. Your share button is pretty good!
Completely wrong! I am neither German nor Autistic!
As a German the first part I can follow. Autistic was a bit of a surprise.
Will be gone a while while I look for the other 20%.
You are 60% non-German and 60% non-Autistic.
The site is exposing the reality that you can come to the same place from different directions. For example, if you are more "German", your sense of fairness, adherence to rules, regard for punctuality comes from a place of moral obligation. You act in ways you hope others will also act because you believe that if everyone acts that way, we'd all get along better.
However, if you do these things because those are the arbitrary rules set forth and they must be followed because that's the definition of a rule, something you follow, then you're likely Autistic because that kind of rigid thinking that is a hallmark of the condition.
It was 47% 47%. AMA!! I've got stories man, just give me a specific prompt. I can also tell stories about my PhD advisor (100% german, 70% autistic).
Both
The Wittgenstein Result
GERMAN 49%
AUTISTIC 40%
Been once to Germany, maybe twice. Can't vouch the other.
Being German isn't communicable, you won't catch it on a business trip or holiday.
Back in the 1990s I was in Hong Kong. The city was epic, cool and alien. Today I feel I could live there even without speaking cantonese (I understand the top-down control via Beijing being a huge problem; I refer to what a city may look like in 2026 and beyond though from a theoretical point of view. Naturally knowing the language helps insanely, but english works as a substitute in many modern areas, even in non-english speaking countries).
Btw I tested neither, 30% each; "the controll group". So I am formally authorized to criticise the page as a perfectly normal person.
> You are difficult to work with in the ways all serious people are difficult to work with. This is not a diagnosis. It is a compliment.
This is extremely relatable. I'm pretty confident that this physical sensation is related to my (rather severely) limited working memory, which I have to carefully manage at maximum capacity and which is catastrophically overwhelmed by some interruptions. A token interruption ("hey, do you have a sec"?) Doesn't tend to cause the sensation, but an interruption that contains data ("I called Greg about the plan for Wednesday and he said that Susan said...") is psychologically painful and even enraging in an oddly visceral sort of way.
disappointed