I experienced stress many times during my career. First in grad school, then at work. Every time after some rest my natural curiosity returned, I wanted to learn something new, and start over on a new project.
This time is different. Just before covid I moved to a country where I don't speak the language. The unexpected isolation during lockdowns was very tough on me. I got some bad rating during performance reviews and worked extra hard to recover (it's been over a year since this happened). I also had a drinking problem, which got much worse during covid, but I have been sober for a few months already.
All my interest in work is lost and it's not coming back despite almost 3 months of rest. I work onsite, but my team is remote, which makes it hard to develop any friendships at work.
Do you have any advice how to proceed in this situation? The main issue is that long rest is not helping. If it matters, I'm almost 40.
I suffered from series of burnout, bordering depression, for the longest of time without even realizing I'm going through one. When I lost the will to work, I attributed it to the work isn't interesting and took on more side projects to "keep it interesting". When that didn't work, I thought I just lost it and this is how long it's supposed to last.
I did every commonly suggested things, exercised very regularly, kept myself fit, quit smoking (2 years now), didn't drink, solo travel, etc., but nothing really resolved it completely. (thinking back now, maybe it's those things that kept everything at bay)
For me what finally moved the needle noticeably was when I started introspecting consistently (i do with everyday notes). I strived to have clear reasonings for why i do what i do, taking a third person view on certain emotions and diagonsing/troubleshooting it as you would a bug. This had led me to make several changes in my life/career sever of which i don't think i would've done otherwise.
I don't believe there is one solution fits all nor one solution for everything. I arrived at this after attempting all of these above and even I can't say for sure if it is THE ONE thing that solved, most likely it's a combination of everything else as well.
Unfortunately what works for you can only be figured out by you and only by doing it can you tell if it's the one. Keep iterating.
General happiness and fulfilment in life doesn't come from comfort, it comes from being able to being able to deal with problems effectively instead of stressing out about them or avoiding them.
The only real way to get past it is to retrain your way of thinking, which requires professional help, behavioral therapy, and possibly even psychedelics since you have had 20+ years of conditioning yourself to be the way you are now.
Fucking PREACH dude
Why? Sounds like marketing propaganda from the psychoanalysis industry.
> .... General happiness and fulfilment in life
Are not related to being burned out and are overrated.
To OP: Do something else with your time, keep trying till something works out. Long time ago, I took a vacation from work that I have been enduring severe stress daily for over a year, when I got back to work it was too much.
Find something you enjoy doing and keep doing that.
I get the impression that you are struggling with isolation. Not speaking the language is a huge barrier to everyday interactions. Although you work onsite, your team is remote, which in effect is the same as you still working remote too.
Maybe this suggestion comes too late, but you could have taken a holiday back home. Reconnecting with what is familiar can ease hidden anxieties. Another factor might be that you are still having withdrawal effects from having stopped drinking.
Maybe a thorough medical check-up is needed to confirm that you haven't got some sort of underlying cause for your condition. Diet and exercise are other things to consider as well.
I don't think withdrawal is an issue. I drastically cut down my drinking 9 months ago and since 4 months I'm 100% sober. Frankly, I expected more from sobriety.
You've built no support system and relied on your job as your social outlet/life. One bad review and it knocks you to the core. You've moved to a country where you don't speak the language and you haven't picked it up after 9+ months.
Why did you move? For money? A career? Lifestyle change? Please family? Does the original the reasons matter anymore?
If everyone is remote could you move to another country where the language is the same?
I would focus on building a lifestyle outside of work. Join an online game / join a team
0. You can't force your brain to re-engage and the harder you try the worse it gets.
1. Good job staying sober. To me, drinking seemed to make the burnout worse.
2. Move your body to change your mind. Exercise seems to help. I took up cycling and it helps to get my mind and body engaged an activity that doesn't involve intense concentration or a computer.
Good luck!
Whatever you do, good luck.
If those resonate with you, check out Childhood Emotional Neglect. There's a really good book called "Running on Empty: Overcoming your Childhood Emotional Neglect".
If you're moving countries that means you probably don't have strong roots or connections with people, and if you're seeking chemical escape, then you probably have a lot of things you are escaping from and not a lot of good things that give you good feelings.
The bad news is that if my questions hit, you're probably gonna need to seek out professional help.
The really bad news is that it's going to get worse before it gets better. It sounds like you can barely sustain work, and clawing out of an emotional hole takes work and takes choosing more pain, when you're already in pain.
I have some observations:
- you indicate in the comments that you expected more from sobriety. We all do - I was in a similar situation as you. Think of it as a building block - being sober, in itself is not a sufficient condition, but it's definitely a necessary one. And frankly, congratulations to you - it's already a huge achievement.
- why did you move to a country where you don't speak the language ?
- It seems to me, that you aim to do something meaningful, work with people etc. Well, as with alcohol, you need to answer yourself honestly some questions - one of which is why do you stay at this job ? It doesn't seem like there is a path to making friends there (team remote) and it's not interesting.
I think this may be the core issue. You are in a new country with what it seems like not many opportunities to develop deeper connections. To me your conditions sounds more like adjustment disorder.
I was in a similar situation like you before and focusing on developing deep emotional connections with people around me helped tremendously. It's hard to be productive at work when there is little balance in one's personal life.
Also, do you actually like your job? What is your goal when it comes to this position? Would you be a happier person if you did something different? These are the question that you may consider.
Though I think Daniel Pink's book Drive said that people tend to be more satisfied at work when they have autonomy, a sense of purpose, and an opportunity for mastery, and that it can be worthwhile to try to find those things.
Maybe try to do some sports if you can? Forget about the age. If serves as inspiration, I’m 40 myself, I skateboard (park, street, rails), practice Muay Thai and football. You can try boxing, yoga, or whatever you feel like! It helps a lot! Your body will have to rest and recover differently.
I try to do other things apart from work, which unfortunately takes a lot of energy and I’m usually burnout, such as music and video production, including animation (drawing).
If the job is super boring and you can afford it, quit and find something else to do. The job market is quite complicated at the moment and there are a lot of time wasters during the recruitment process unfortunately.
- I met a lot of people and some friends working from a small co-working space (I picked one where I feel good)
- I enjoyed volunteering - doing something different than my work, and something useful- and it also helped me to meet friends
All this happened when I was not burnt-out, so my situation was clearly different, but just sharing just in case it can somehow be useful
I was working remote and lost my job 3 months ago. I have very little desire to go back to work and I fully intend to take the rest of the year off.
It seems like some of my colleagues who got laid off are in the same boat, treating 2023 as a semi-retirement year and not really looking for a job.
I think your gut feeling is right and you went back to work too soon. Nobody here can tell you exactly what to do next, because that completely depends on how much money you have and so many other things.
I have learned that in practice the hard way.
But I think you need social interaction, try to find something to do outside of work in a group.
I thought this was about Representational state transfer.
if you can change jobs, at least tech, better.
lots of threads on here about burnout, with tons of advice, some of it good, much of it stupid, as usual.
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